X-Rated Pick-Up Lines (Sexually Explicit!)

Here are some of the most suggestive, downright dirty lines guaranteed to get you slapped in the face, arrested for sexual harassment, or laid for creativity points!


If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?

Wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.

Do you live on a chicken farm because you sure know how to raise cocks.

Do you work at Subway because you just gave me a footlong.

That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?

That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be cumming on you too.

You're like my little toe because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.

I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.

I hope you like dragons because I'll be dragon my balls across your face tonight.

Your face reminds me of a wrench. Every time I think of it, my nuts tighten.

Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pants pockets inside out.) Would you like to?

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

How about a pizza and a fuck? (Target: No!) What's wrong? You don't like pizza?

Do you work for UPS because I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!

Is that a keg in your pants because I'd love to tap that ass.

Wanna' go halves on a baby?

You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life, and I just want it for one night.

I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

I spent over a grand on Viagra today only to come here and see you and find out that I don't need it after all.

Do you have a mirror in your pocket because I can see myself in your pants.

If I have AIDS, would you have sex with me? (Target: No.) Well, I don't, so let's go.

Excuse me, do you give head to strangers? (Target: No.) Well then, allow me to introduce myself.

That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I!

So come back to my place, and if you don't like it, I swear I'll give you a full refund.

Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.

Let's play house: you can be the door, and I'll slam you!

My name is milk, and I'll do your body good.

Hi, wanna fuck? (Target: No.) Mind lying down while I do?

Does your ass have Allstate insurance? (Target: No, why?) Well, do you want it to be in good hands?

I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?

Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with your face.

I'm gonna' have sex with you tonight, so you might as well be there.

My names (insert name here), just so you know what to scream later.

Since we've been told to reduce waste these days, what do you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire?

The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

Let's go back to my room and do some math: add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.

Your place or mine? Tell you what, I'll flip you for it. Head at my place, tail at yours ;)

Do you like my belt buckle because I think it would look better against your forehead.

Nice fucking weather. Want to?

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the 1st thing that pops up?

You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand.

I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since you last checkup?

Hey, I'm looking for treasure. Can I look around your chest?

Only latex stands between our love.

I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's x-rated!

Want to play lion tamer? You can get on all fours, and I'll put my head in your mouth.

If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?

How about you be my story, and I'll be your climax?

Let's play titanic. When I say iceberg, you do down.

Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Target: Yes.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?

That t-shirt has to go, but you can stay.

Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss but down under.

 Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.

Gee, that's a nice set of legs. What time do they open?

I just popped a Viagra, so we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.

You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis.

I'm gay. Do you think you can convert me?

If I'm a pain in your ass we can use more lubricants.

I have the entire dictionary written on my dick. Want me to put some words in your mouth?

Pick-Up Lines for Geeks & Nerds

It's long been decided that geeks/nerds are far from chick-magnets or visa-versa. Thus, I have compiled a collection of pick-up lines for gamers, LARPers, and all sorts of other geeks out there. And if you don't get any of these, you're not a geek ;)

Are you google because you have everything I'm searching for.

You can put a Trojan on my hard drive anytime.

Your beauty rivals the graphics of Assassin's Creed.

I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up.

If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.

You make my software turn into hardware!

Isn't your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

Nice set of floppies!

If you have an empty slot, I have the card to fill it.

I'd like to play on your laptop.

If you were an ISP, I'd dial you all day long.

I'll bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen.

Your homepage or mine?

That's not an ipod mini in my pocket. I'm just happy to see you.

Computer techs have skilled fingers if you know what I mean.

Need me to unzip your files?

If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.

Will a little more alcohol catalyze this reaction?

If you were oxygen, I would be an alkali metal so I could get in you and explode.

You're hotter than a Bunsen burner set to full power.

How about you and me go back to my place and form a covalent bond?

If I wan an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?

I wish I was an ion so I could form an exothermic bond with you.

I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.

It's a good thing you've got evaporative cooling because I'm going to make you sweat.

You give me more jolt than a mitochondria.

Wanna couple our equations tonight?

Like the ideal vacumm, you're the only thing in my universe.

Even if there were no gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you.

Someone must have shot you with a phaser set to "stunning."

Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star Wars sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his light sabre?

How can I know so many hundreds of digits of pi and not the 7 digits of your phone number?

What's your sine?

I'm not being obtuse, but you're acute girl.

You're sweeter than pi.

Let's take each other to the limit to see if we converge.

Let me integrate our curves so that I can increase our volume.

Super Cheesy Pick-Up Lines

One of two things will happen if you use any of these lines. Either your desired target will find them funny enough to deem you funny, clever, and brave thus breaking through the corny barrier to become an intriguing love interest. Or they will find them unoriginal, overused, unimaginative, cliche, offensive, or funny to the point that you'll be in the friend zone forever. Use them at your own risk. Or perhaps you haven't heard them, now you'll be aware that the person hitting on you is completely generic and probably insincere having tested the rate of success in the past, probably several times before coming across you. Either way, enjoy the list I've compiled sadly from experience. (And if you're wondering, they didn't work on me ;)

Is your daddy a baker because you're a cutie pie.

Are you from Tennessee because you're the only 10 I see.

You must be a parking ticket because you have fine written all over you.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

How much does a polar bear weigh? (Target probably answers "I don't know") Enough to break the ice.

Do you have a band-aid because i scraped my knee when i fell for you.

You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?

Sorry, but you owe me a drink because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.

Can I have directions? (Target says "To where") Your heart.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have 5 cents.

If I were a stop light, I would turn red every time you passed by just I could stare at you a bit longer.

I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I'm gonna' need your name and number for insurance purposes.

Do you have a map because I'm getting lost in your eyes.

If I could arrange the alphabet, I'd put you and I together.

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd the whole sky in my hands.

Do you have an extra heart because mine has been stolen.

Smoking is hazardous to your health, and babe you are killing me!

I must be a snowflake because I'm falling for you.

Are you an interior decorator because when you walked in the room became beautiful.

There's something wrong with my cell phone... it doesn't have your number in it.

I lost my number. Can I have yours?

If you were words on a page, you'd be fine print.

Are you lost because heaven is a long way from here.

Hello, I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart.

Do you have the time? (Target tells you the time.) I meant the time to write down my number.

Would you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Did you clean your pants with Windex because I can see myself in them.

I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

There must be something wrong with my eyes because I can't take them off you.

Is your name Swiffer because you just swept me off my feet.

If stars fell every time I thought of you, the sky would be empty.

Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?

There you are! I've been looking all over for you-the woman of my dreams.

Do you believe in love at 1st sight or should I walk by again?

You see my friend over there? (Point to friends.) He wants to know if you think I'm cute.

Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the woman I'm gonna' marry.

If you were a tear in my eye, I wouldn't cry for fear of losing you.

Was your father an alien because there's nothing else in the world like you.

Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day.

Was your father a thief because someone stole the stars from the sky and put them into your eyes.

You be Dairy Queen and I'll be Burger King. You treat me right, and I'll do it your way.

What time is it? What's the date? I want to remember the exact moment I met the woman of my dreams.

If I had to chose between breathing or loving you, I would say "I love you" with my last breath.

Ouch! My tooth hurts because you're so sweet.

I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but I'm Batman.

Do you know karate because your body body is really kickin!

You're like a dictionary-you add meaning to my life.

Are you taking any applications for boyfriend/girlfriend?

Let's make like fabric softener and Snuggle.

Well, here I am. What were your other 2 wishes?

(Hold out your hand.) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?

This time next year let's be laughing together.

You must be a light switch because every time I see you, you turn me on.

Hey, don't I know you? Oh yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.

I hope you know CPR because you take my breath away.

If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

What's on your face? Oh, must be beauty. Here, let me get that off. Hey, it's not coming off!

You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making all the other women look really bad.

If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you'd see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.

You are a cool glass of water, and I just became the thirstiest man in the world.

Stop, drop, and roll because you are smokin'!

Someone should call the cops because you just stole my heart.

If it weren't for the sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.

Come live in my heart rent-free.

My buddies over there said I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with their money?

(Display keys.) Here's the key to my house, my car, and my heart.

If we shared a garden, I'd put my tulips and your tulips together.

Is your name summer because you are hot.

Are you're parents retarded because you are really special.

I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.

Is your name Katrina because you rock me like a hurricane.

Cupid called, and he says to tell you he needs my heart back.